You’re not imagining it: you’re hella busy.
Chances are, if you’ve hit a certain age (not very advanced one), every day brings new rounds of busy-ness. I’m willing to bet you juggled at least 4 of the following today: work, school, homework or work that you do at home at night for your job (teachers, I see you!), chauffeuring, extracurriculars, paying bills, grocery shopping, cooking meals (or trekking to meals), dishes, packing lunches, fixing stuff around the house, cleaning, folding laundry, mowing the lawn, or applying for things you want or need (like college acceptance or a home improvement loan).
On top of all that, you’re probably also doing what you can to be a good person, to be kind and considerate to others, to be a supportive friend or family member or colleague, to pull your weight in whatever circumstances you find yourself in.
So if you look over your days and think, “When can I possibly write?”, know this: The struggle is real. No matter who you are, your life is brimming with responsibilities and expectations, and while many of them are welcome, they all take time. And so does writing.
When I take stock of all the things I’m juggling, I can get a little panicky about when I will ever be able to write again, so I remind myself of a few things:
My busy-ness is a result of my choices. Sure, things crop up that are out of my control, but for the most part, the things that make me busy are things I’ve chosen. I chose to do the kind of work I do, to be a presence in my kids’ school lives, to cook meals from scratch rather than ordering pizza every night (as tempting as that sounds). A lot of my choices are non-negotiable (yes, I do need to show up for work and actually be a functional human being there). But sometimes I can gain a little peace by being a little less of a perfectionist. (Papa Murphy’s, save me.)
Feeling less busy is a matter of perspective.I used to think people who felt this way simply had too much time on their hands. I’ve since discovered that, even if the entire day is going sideways, the thing that makes the difference between Frazzled Alice and Serene Alice is my outlook. If I’m in victim mode and my brain is screaming “Why me? Why do I have to be responsible?!”, serenity is going to pack her bags and head for sunnier climes. So I have to settle myself down to do a bit of work, because:
Gaining perspective takes a bit of effort. In a culture that worships busy-ness, slowing down and finding the big picture is a counter-cultural act. Fortunately, the counter-culture has been pushing its way into the mainstream for a long time and bringing with it really effective tools for slowing down.
For me, yoga is one of these tools. My schedule doesn’t fit with the local YMCA’s class schedule, so I improvise. Every morning when my alarm goes off, I slip into another room (to keep from waking my husband and dog), unroll a mat, and drop into child’s pose.
The beauty of doing yoga alone is that no one tells me to LEAVE child’s pose. I can stay there as long as I want. And if I don’t want to do sun salutations or chaturangas? Well, then I don’t. The freedom is amazing. When I move, it’s because I want to move. I wait until a little bell in my head says, “Now,” and then I move.
I emerge from yoga feeling clear-eyed, relaxed, and ready to face what the world has in store for me. And get this: Getting to this happy place takes me no more than fifteen minutes. Why? Because:
Time isn’t what we thought it was.
Lots of us have gone through life believing that in order to do something well, we have to put in hours and hours of time. We have to become slaves to the process for days or weeks or years, sacrificing all the things normal mortals enjoy. We cling to the Olympic athlete metaphor for pursuing your dreams. And it’s soul-sucking.
Does writing well take time and dedication? Absolutely. But that doesn’t mean the chunks of time have to be long. For years I pummeled myself for not setting several hours per day aside to write. Then a friend, who was finishing her second academic book at the time, talked about how different writing was for her now that she was a working professional with a family. She used to spend hours obsessing and losing herself in a writing project, but now she had to be a lot more disciplined. “It’s like I pop into a chapter and tie a bow here and sew a button on there, and then I pop out and do something else,” she said. The results are the same–she’s getting work out—but she’s enjoying more of life along the way.
Think of how much you get done when you’re totally engrossed in something. Now imagine letting yourself be engrossed in writing that way, for just a little while every day. 45 minutes? 30? Maybe just 15 will do. Because, as with yoga, if you really let yourself be present in the writing, you can get a lot done in 15 minutes.